

Tony Robinson, usually seen nowadays caked in mud shouting at blokes with shovels, was our plain man's guide to piffle. The journalist investigating the hoax described the perpetrator, rather aptly, as having the eyes and smile of a weasel. The first words in the book are: "The Priory of Sion, a secret European society founded in 1099, is a real organisation." The Priory of Sion is a hoax and this had been known for at least 20 years. It is Mr Brown's research in The Da Vinci Code that is so suspect.

I mention this as a sort of storm warning. Dan Brown proved elusive being, according to his agent, busy researching his next book. The Real Da Vinci Code (Channel 4) explored this premise. The controversial gist of the thing is that Jesus and Mary Magdalene were married and their descendants live on to this day.

The hero is an American lecturer (like Dan Brown, the author), the heroine, a descendant of Jesus and the villain an Englishman called Teabag or something. Not excluding Hard Grinding, the loin-stirring saga of lust on the dole that Norris is currently hawking round Coronation Street. T he Da Vinci Code is the worst-written book I ever started to read.
